When did I become… Dad?

Tonight I was struck with new thoughts. As we prep the tiny human for bed, I sat and I watched her. I watched as she started singing softly, and as she gathered up her pyjamas.

As we hit the washroom and did our teeth and face and all the different parts of our routine and then to hear, “Dad, you can do round 2”. We do 2 rounds of teeth brushing, she gets to do the first round and my wife or I do the second round.

I’ve shared this with a few people over the past week. My daughter has started calling me Dad. This in itself isn’t a bad thing, but when you become a father you start with dada, then we hit daddy, and now dad. The way she says it too… the first time she said it kind of rocked my core. Not in a bad way, it just made me sad.

My little girl is growing up. Yes, yes, yes… I understand this is part of life, but I guess I’ve got a small part of me that has romanticized the role of daddy. I know I’m always going to be dad, but I want to be daddy for a little while longer.

Over the past week we are prepping her to go to school and buying her backpack and lunch box and then signing her up for dance and getting her proper clothing and watching her dance around the room. She is growing up too fast. Is this something that every father feels like and goes through? Am I just a bit sap? I’d like to hope the answers are a little bit and pretty much 🙂

We are now 13 days away from the due date of our newest family member. I’m so excited, and yet… I’m so scared. I’m scared that I won’t be able to balance both my girls and I’m scared that 1 will feel neglected and I won’t be able to live up to these expectations that I’ve put on myself. Unrealistic or not, I’ve got a lot of fears deep down and as much as I have always wanted to big family, the fact of the matter is that I need to evolve and learn how to be a parent all over again. I need to learn how to make my new daughter feel as special and as important as my other daughter, with out rocking the balance and the relationship we already have.

Tonight as I was leaving my daughter in her room I’ve now started saying something to her that I used to say to my wife many years ago. The other night she said it to me before I could get it out of my mouth… She looked up and said, “Sleep with the Angels, Dad” I almost cried. As I walked out tonight, I turned, and quietly said “Sleep with the Angels, my little angel” and she turned, ran across the room and gave me a huge and whispered “I love you”

So, this is why I’m sitting on my couch, all chocked up, spilling my guts onto my blog. The adventure continues… That’s been my motto since we moved and come back from Italy. Life is a an adventure and watching my tiny human grow….

Gives my life/adventure…. meaning

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2 thoughts on “When did I become… Dad?

  1. Beautiful post , as a mother of two daughters 14 & 11 I had the exact same fears – regardless Of being a father or mother I believe we all have those fears – but one thing I can promise you is they do grow up way way to fast but it’s the best ride of your life and when your new daughter arrives you will love her as much as Eve and neither will ever feel neglected because from your Facebook posts and this blog you are an amazing dad , each phase is different and you gain and loose steps sorta say but taking the time to remember and make note is the best thing you can do- cherish each day Doug children are a blessed gift ~ take care

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  2. Beautiful! I’m betting she’ll still call you Daddy. It might swing back and forth between the two, or it might come more rarely, in moments when her heart is broken, or she wants something 😉 or she’s experiencing an emotional moment. You’ll always be her Daddy.
    And the fear about not loving your children equally…a very valid fear. But as your family grows you will see that love doesn’t divide, it multiplies. ❤️ In fact it grows exponentially because not only will you and your wife’s hearts be full of love for all your children, the siblings will also adore each other.

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